You Choo Choo Choose Me

The thing about promoting your blog (and thanks to those of you who joined in) is that you really should have something ready the next day to publish. Due to the nature of this blog (inanity, a perfectly cromulent word) it is hard to come up with ideas all the time. Ergo, some posts will be better than others

That being said, today's topic is "the train's dispatcher", a wo/man i am not very fond of. We all know the train's dispatcher from our trips on the subway..."we apologize for the inconvenience, but we are being held momentarily by the train's dispatcher" And that is precisely the reason i don't like the dispatcher, s/he's always holding me up. Never once have i heard, "we'll be arriving ahead of schedule thanks to the train's dispatcher". Not even a "was it not for the train's dispatcher we'da been even later" No, simply holding me up all the time.

Now, some of you may say, if the dispatcher failed to hold you up, you'd crash. fooey to that argument; like my dad says, "if the queen had balls, she'd be king" Exactly!!

Finally, a quick prediction, the Cavs will be lucky to win a game.

Tired Sac of Shit

For Yankee fans it has not been a very good season. Damon is playing hurt (hopefully), Bobby Abreu is afraid to run into his own shadow and Mike Mussina is no longer the .500 pitcher he once was. However, over this weekend everything changed. No, it was not the 2 of 3 from the red sox they so desperately needed. Rather, it was the hilarious injury to Roger Clemens that has put the whole thing into perspective. Indeed, Roger Clemens, the 25 million dollar man afraid to pitch against his former team was sidelined due to a fatigued right groin.

First off, has anyone heard of this injury before...(it's rhetorical, of course not). Second, how did he get this injury? We could of course give him the benefit of the doubt, but i'd like to think he tired it out during his rigorous railroad session in west Hollywood. Lastly, why is ESPN running NFL live 5 days a week during the off season.

and remember, if you're not keepin it real, you're just not keepin it.

Air Head

This guy purchased canned air.

You know who is a smart guy? The guy who decided to market air in a can. As far as I know, air is free. However, once in can form it is as expensive as lox or a large container of fresh squeezed orange juice. (both more delicious than air in a can)

Today, in an attempt to clean my air conditioner (cleaner, but not any quieter), i purchased said canned air. Now, i know I live in NYC and things cost more here than they should. However, $8.49 plus tax for air is simply ridiculous. I mean it's just canned pressure. Haven't they been selling products in cans with air pressure for a hundred years at a fraction of the price? and don't those cans come with something in them. there is clearly some sort of conspiracy here and i am not happy about it.

anyway, i am going to sit back and relax in my noisy, but cool, apartment.

Ice Cream Emptiness

would he be so happy if his scooper failed to push the ice cream into the cone?

You wanna know what really sticks me like a sharp pickle? (of course you do, that's why you've visited)...when the ice cream place doesn't push the ice cream into the cone, but instead leaves the single scoop on top. I'll telll you why this is wriong. First and foremost, when this happens one gets less ice cream. If I've gone out for ice cream obviously I am a fan of ice cream and getting only a single scoop is hardly sufficient to satisfy my craving. I understand that the board says "one scoop" so technically that is all I have asked for; however, for the past one hundred years ice cream parlors have been pushing ice cream into the cone, it's has become the norm and therefore i have a right to expect same...well, maybe it shouldn't be the norm, look how fat america is. wrong, ice cream is not the cause of america's obesity, it's high fructose corn syrup and i've never seen a corn flavored ice cream.

Why else is not pushing the ice cream scoop into the cone wrong? I'm glad you asked....it is also wrong because it makes it significantly more difficult to eat and possible loss of ice cream can happen at any time. What i mean by this is as follows. Ice cream is like water, the molecules stick together. So, if one was to push hard on the top portion of the cone, the ice cream "scoop" would be safe. However, if there is nothing in the cone to which the scoop has attached itself, then an accidental push might cause the entire scoop to fall crashing to the floor. this can also occur if the ice cream is held at a 45 degree angle or greater. In this reagrd, you now have two prolmes. one, you have lost your ice cream and two you have sadness. this of course could have been avoided by simply pushing the ice cream into the cone first.

Lastly, and perhaps the most important reason the scoop on top is just plain wrong...it reaks havoc on the best part of the ice cream cone, the bottom.

25c a glass

And that is that. I have been released from the hospital for the very last time!! My treatment went well and i am home in my apartment feelin OK. I have scheduled tests toward the end of June to confirm all is well. In the interim, i will be rehabilitating and gaining the strength necessary to return to normal activities...i.e., drinking.

Throughout this ordeal people have offered me some good advice...hang in there; keep your head up; stay strong. thanks. however, there is one piece of advice i simply cannot agree with...when god gives you lemons, make lemonade. i must say that if god gives me lemons, there is no way that i am going to make lemonade with those lemons. those be some valuable lemons. i mean, god has stretched out his/her/its hand to give me lemons and you want me to waste those lemons and make lemonade? i suppose that would be some delicious lemonade...still, i think its better to leave the lemons as god gave them to me.

anyway, as stated, assuming all goes well, the party on Saturday August 4, 2007 remains the day to which we all look forward. I am planning on making this a big bash and need your help in bringing this to fruition. First, you should come. if you are on this list, i want you there. that's all i am going to say about that.

second. if you have a friend you think will add to the festivities, bring that person.

third...got kids, don't be afraid to bring them, just be prepared to watch the. also, they are automatic captains for the whiffle ball game(s).

fourth...let me know if you will be there...i need to know if you are coming since i need to buy food, etc. THIS is very important.

fifth...unlike previous parties, a recommended donation will be requested...i suspect about 10-20 a head (includes all food and booze)...kids eat free.

hope to see you soon.

much love for all the love

Base Camp

To be honset, the reason i have not written in so long is because i have nothing funny left. sure i am still funny, but i simply have nothing left. i mean, do you really want to hear of my love of cheese? i suppose however you never really needed to know of a lot of the things that have been expressed on the "andy's got cancer and i care how he's doing, but i really look forward to his non-sensical rant much more" email.

anyway, my running out of things to say could not have come at a better time as i go into the hospital for the final time this weekend. hell's yeah!! that's right, my last treatment begins on saturday and ends on monday. while i do not know for sure if it is the same as last time i will be located on th 12th floor of sloan (enter through the 1275 york ave b/w 67/8 entrance - M elevators)....on saturday i may be somewhere else for part of the day (just call before you come).

from here, a couple more tests, a few weeks of rehab and i am back in the saddle.

ALSO, and this is very important, the PARTY celebrating me being cured/not being dead will be on Saturday August 4, 2007. It will be at my parents house in connecticut and will include a pool, a keg, activities and you and your loved ones. anyone and everyone is invited. i will remind you of this later in the summer, but mark your calendars now.