This is Your Brain on...Grilled Chicken?

eggs and a grill, perfect mates

I was at a local coffee shop the other day, around noon time, when I asked for an egg and cheese sandwich (I am on a diet and hence the lack of bacon). Unfortunately, the horrible but polite woman behind the counter advised me, "we're doing lunch now, no more egg sandwiches." WHAAA? Are you to tell me your grill will not cook egg sandwiches post noon. Does it have an aversion to such a task? I doubt it, it's an inatimate object! And surely I can see no reason the chef would have a problem with it. If the grill is on, it would seem to me that you, being a coffee shop, should be willing to sell me breakfast at noon time. It's not like I was at McDonalds where everyone knows breakfast is not served after 10:30. The McDonald's policy makes sense though because microwaves, unlike grills, can't cook eggs after 10:30. Anyway, I am outraged and I will get my team of investigators on this.

Anonymous

i'm luca bitch

Hello friends. Once again it has been too long since we last spoke. I am happy to report that things are going well in my world. I feel good and I look great!! My hair is growing back and i think i am back under 200 pounds. you wouldn't think i could ever get so fat, but i did. maybe it was the recommended super premium ice cream. maybe it was the cheese on top of everything. maybe it's not important why it happened, it just did...i plan on gaining it all back at the BBQ.

Here are the details. SATURDAY AUGUST 4, 2007

1. if you have not RSVP'd i am assume you are not coming. if you RSVP'd and then moved to california, i assume you are not coming

2. You may arrive at any time after 1:00 p.m....Generally on the weekend trains leave from Grand Central to Westport along the New Haven line on the :07's...12:07, 1:07, etc. From the train station hop a cab...there are tons of them. I live at One Cartbridge Road, Weston, CT. 06883. If you need driving directions...yahoo.com or mapquest.com or google.com should do the trick. I expect most people to arrive between 2-3 but i will be ready at 1 and you are welcome.

3. The party itself will include a pool, pool activities, a large lawn, large lawn activities, fishing (maybe) and food and drink...I will be getting a keg or two, some booze and there will be some non-alcoholic refreshments as well. food will include meat, vegetables baisted in meat, non-meat products rubbed down in meat juice and fruit. (seriously though i will have a few vegeterian options for those of you who have chosen to live a deprived life)

4. Since there will be booze and since drinking and driving is something our parents did, we're having a SLUMBER PARTY. in this regard my house has only three bed rooms. However, it does stand on 1.34 acres of flat lush land so...CAMP OUT... bring your tents. (mom, is this OK?)

i will respond generally once all the questions have come in and i have processed them.

Also (and notwithstanding the fact that mama seems to think i don't want any pictures) I would like to welcome into the world, Luca Sanhez Lehrman.

"heal the world, make it a better place, for you and for me and the entire human race" - m. jackson

ack

X-Marks the (g)-Spot

harry wants to use his magic wand

It is well documented that the Harry Potter book has been pre-released on the intraweb by some hooligans. Well, your faithful blogger has found it for you. Below is an excerpt from the last chapter of the book.

Please be aware while reading this will not spoil the ending for you, you may be slightly offended by the X-rated sexual nature of it. So, if you are a mother, please go away....

"Oh Hermione" screamed Ron, as he climaxed. Hiding in the grand spiral stair case they used to play in when they were children, Ron no longer cared who knew about their affair. His lust for her was simply to great. Hermione was a little more secretive about the whole thing. Indeed, not even Harry, her former and sometimes current lover knew about the affair between his two best friends...

It did not take Ron long before he was ready to go again, his young body fully of vigor and excitement. Looking at Hermione as she lay content in the stairwell Ron grabbed her around her waist and took her from behind. Gently caressing her breasts with both hands he bent her over and began to make love to her when he heard the door to the starewell open. "is anyone there?" they heard. It was the unmistakeable voice of Harry...

I'd hate to ruin the ending for the true fans...

Reality Check

Remember when people born in the 1980's were really young to us. Well, they are now dying in Iraq. The picture above is of Le Ron Wilson who was born in November of 1988. He was from Queens and buried yesterday.

Stop in the Name of...?

don't be a horses ass, exercise you fat bastard

I was at the gym recently for my semi-weekly workout when I encountered an interesting suggestion...I was on the treadmill and decided to take up a little light reading. In this regard the "warning" sign read "discontinue use if you feel faint, dizzy or shortness of breath."

I don't know about you, but if i quit the treadmill upon shortness of breath i would never actually use the treadmill; indeed, i get out breath just looking at a treadmill...Even if that was not true surely i am out of breath after the first few minutes or so (cut me some slack, i am still trying to get back to a ten minute mile).

That's it. I've thought of some really funny things over the past few days but i have not written them down. when they come back to me, watch out! jazzbalhg will be off da hook.

keep on keepin on...know what forget it, stop keepin on, give up, it's a lot easier

We Are...

omg, i am so happy i could do sommersaults!!

If I may vent for a moment or two (of course I can, it's my blog so who's really going to stop me), I'd like to address the state of atheletics at the Pennsylvania State University. This fine institution, often confused by outsiders as UPenn (it's not), is a top 50 University in the nation with a nationalistic like pride in its sporting teams. However, this is where I am starting to get a little pissed off. Other than some moderate success in high profile fringe sports played by women (Volleyball and Soccer) Penn State athletics has produced quite little. Indeed, today I was on gopsusports.com to see what was going in the world of Happy Valley. It was there I discovered that PSU ranked 21 nationally in overall sporting success. That, you migh think is pretty good; and you'd be right if our ranking wasn't bolstered by national championships in Men's Gaynastics (yes, Mens!) and Fencing. Yes, PSU has the best fencing program in the nation. In fact, while I was there (Class of 99) it was the only national championship we won.

So, before we get too excited can we please go out there, beat Michigan in something, win a few basketball games (mens) and bring home that crystal ball in early January.

** author forgot about the #3 ranking in football in 2005-2006 at beginning of post. nonetheless, he still generally agrees with the thoughts opined in this blog. Also, he his happy for the men's gymnasts, it's just that he wants to win in a sport that is televised.

If You Don't Wear a Belt...

No, this is not poo. It's dark graphite, similar to the kind used in No. 2 pencils

In furtherance our continuing coverage into the competetive and often deadly world of pencils, the following report on the inventor of the No.2 pencil was recently published by "Graphite Monthly"

By: jazzwalk

Simon Adirondack (S.A.) Caraballo hasn't always lived in a mansion on Lake Tahoe; Indeed, the man once known to his friends and "Light Writing Lou" was voted by his high school class 'most likely not to succeed." However, in a remarkable turn of events, Mr. Caraballo went from being a nobody to being one of the wealthiest men in the Graphite industry.

"I remember it well" Mr. Caraballo recalled. "It was 1984 and I...I mean we, Mike [referreing to Michael Scantron, See Vol.2 Issue 9] and I were on a graphite intensive backapacking trip when we stumbled upon some really dark looking graphite. At first I thought it was lead" he laughed, "can you even imagine?"

That is where the joy for one began and the horror for another was only starting to commence. Mr. Caraballo knew the power of being able to write dark, or rather, the horror of not and immeidately claimed the grahite for he and mike. "I told mike, this is the big one, this is the one that's going to make that facacta machine of yours a million dollar idea. But mike wouldn't listen. he told me that people don't want to write dark, it's too hard to erase and the machine could get confused. I told mike, look, i didn't get the name "Light Writing Lou" for nothing. I think I know a little bit about the subject. He wouldn't listen, he just told me he wished he could erase me from the earth and stormed off. that's the last time we spoke. "

Since S.A. Caraballo's graphite discovery came after mr. scantron's he decided to name his pencil, the no. 2.

... your pencil fall down