Really, it's Pips?

There are few songs out there so universally appreciated and radio friendly as the Glady Knight classic, "Midnight Train to Georgia." For years, well before the creation of the Ipod, I would sing with joy whenever this masterpiece would grace the radio in my parents' car. You'd think that listenitng to 106.7 and 101.1 I would have heard it with relative frequency; but alas, such was not the case.

Jumping forward a few years, I now own an Ipod and of course, Midnight (that's my pet name for it) is on it. However, after an initial run, I can hardly remember hearing it...until recently!!

I was on my way across town aboard the sometimes fantastic and sometimes frustrating L train when Midnight came on...Oh joy, only five minutes to my final destination...what a wonderful way to arrive...Oh, but it was not to be. My joy was fleeting. In what can only be described as midly disapointing, the Ipod ran out of battery power

Now i will never know how far that superstar got. There are reports that he didn't get far and returned to Georgia on a midnight train, but without Galdys' confirmation, it appears I will have to wait another 6,359 songs to find out

Funny How?

There are many types of funny in this world. There's old man funny, who thinks the use of racial stereotypes is a real hootanany. There's mom funny, who generally thinks that forwards of any kind deliver endless humor. There's dad funny, there's dad funny, did i ever tell you the one about there being dad funny. Then, there are those who find Jay Leno funny. Not really sure how to classify these people, but I'll be sure not to use any big words. There's Dane Cook funny, well, there's Dane Cook. Then, there is stupid funny. This is a legitimate funny but is surely not for everyone. Leaders of this category include Will Ferell, Ben Stiller and old school Jim Carrey. There's dark funny led by the Royal Tennenbaums and of course, there is always real/actual funny; and many people who like the other categories also like real/actual funny. People who create real funny inlcude Chris Rock, Dave Chapelle and Jon Stewart.

While knowing what makes a person laugh might be an indicator of whether you will get along with a particular person, it is surely not determinative of that fact. However, there is one joke so dumb, so stupid, so outrageoulsy unoriginal that if you hear it, run for the hills (perhaps these are the sane people who like Jay Leno, I don't know since I've never met anyone who likes Jay Leno)...

The Joke :

Scene: line for a men's bathroom at a sporting event/concert/crowded bar/small restaurant

Joke: What is this, the ladies room?

Reaction:

That my friends, could possibly be the dumbest joke ever. Earth to dumbass, guys have to wait on lines in places where there are lots of guys. If you go to the garden to see Lynard Skynard, there's going to be a line, dumbass. Why have you not figured this out dumbass, and why do you have to share the dumbest comment ever with me. Do you think you're going to crack everyone up. Sure you may find that other guy who thinks you've just made an insightful comment, but he's a dumbass too. maybe that's why you make that dumbass comment, to help you locate other dumbassess so your life can be replete with dumbass friends.

I'll go with 24601

I'm famous dammit

Today, the umteenth time in the past few years I saw a subway ad that read, "Tyler Perry presents...[insert project here]" Let me be the first to say that I congratulate Mr. Peryy on all his success; surely if there is one man in the world who deserves this kind of success it's him. I have only one question though, who the fuck is Tyler Perry?

After two years of this crap on subway walls I still have no idea. Sure, I could go on imdb, but that would be way too easy. Instead, I will continue to assume that Aerosmith and Journey had a love child and named him Tyler Perry.

** according to google photo, the man depcited above is Tyler Perry.

It is Properly Referred to as Chromosonally Enhanced

"oh he's old and hurt, I didn't realize that. Give this man a

raise and sign him to a long term deal"

Unlike the saw of syllogism (gism = ha ha) the above quote is illogical. Nonetheless, the once beloved but now belittled New York Knicks have utilized the forestated theory in building their team. Examples include, but are surely not limited to: Stephon Marbuy, Malik Rose, Jalen Rose (remember him), Zack Randoplph, Eddie Curry. Of course, the architecht of this "dream team" is none other than team president and resident fool James "I was just petting the bunny" Dolan.

Last night I was at the Garden in my traditional and affordable seat behind the stage to see the outstanding Clapton/Winwood concert. Because of my seat location I had direct view of those in the front row. From my vanatage point I could see that James Dolan was not in the front row; obviously the wrong decision. Any music fan that actually owned the Garden should be in the front row, it's as simple as that.

Not seeing him in the front row brought two thoughts to my head. First, I noted that James Dolan has never made the correct decision. From Grunfeld through Thomas the man has consistently been wrong. In realizing that he has yet to make the right decision I believe I had an epihany...

George Bush is running the Knicks.

Think about it. It is incomprehendable that two men, born of separate parents, could both always be wrong. (I believe it goes without saying [though i am saying it nonetheless] that Georgey Boy has not yet made the correct decision). Therefore, since we know George Bush is the "decider" it must be that he is running the Knicks and James Dolan is simply the face behind the success. Who knows how president num nuts got control of the Knicks, maybe it was a shady cable contract, but he did. Accordingly let us turn our anger with the Knicks upon the man who deserves it, George W. Bush.

I am hopeful that president dumb ass will be forced to relinquish control in Janaury 2009, at which time we will get our franchise back. Unitl then, we'll just have to deal with the extra chromosone.

Back...on Black

all things considered, this is a pretty good photo

First off, let me apologize to my fan(s) for being away for such a long period of time. I wish I could say it's because I was thinking of great ideas that will now serve to amuse you for 30 seconds each day. Sadly, that is not true. Indeed, I am using up all of my good ideas in this blog.

As many you of already know, I am white. Nontheless, I feel comfortable writing this blog because I am voting for Barak Hussein Obama and I am still upset about how we have treated the people and the rebuilding of New Orleans (my homeboys often call me the unknown and unsuccessful Bill Clinton).

First, the photo: Clearly, that is a photo Ferris singing Twist and Shout. As you will recall, Ferris got all of Chicago up and dancing (no, i am not going to address the awsome line dancing on the steps) with his lip sync of the Beatles classic. During that scene there is a shot of a mother with a baby in a carriage. The baby is black (we are nearing my point). The movie was made in or about 1986 , making that baby about 23-25 years old today, a "playas" prime, if you will...(we have reached my point) If I was a black dude that looked anywhere between 23-25 and/or was actually between 23-25 I would tell all the ladies that the black kid in the carriage was me (do black people know Ferris the way white people do? We'll just have to assume so). That's it, you can see where it goes from here...

Also, as long as we are on the state of race relations in our great nation...you know where white people and black people really get along well...in commercials, especially car commercials. I do not believe there has been a car commercial made in the past 10 years in which there were two passengers (not married) and one of them wasn't black. Of course, white people and black people are friends, surely our world would be sad place if they were not, but the ratio is crazy high in car commericals. The only other place I have seen such intermingiling between the races is at sporting events, and that is fleeting.

I hope you have enjoyed the return of jazzblahg...may it not be another five moths

Actually, Hardly Workin

actual photo taken 10/19/07

As some of you know, as some of you don’t and as some of you

don’t care, I have taken a new job…thank you, your warm

wishes of good luck are much appreciated.

One of the reasons I have taken a new job is that the place
at which I am currently employed is a sinking ship. This
means that I have VERY little to do at work. Indeed, at the
present time I have absolutely nothing to do. It’s not even
like I am writing this while work sits idle. No, there is
no work. Ergo (for you Rory), I have taken the time to write
this rather long winded and pointless essay.

Why? You ask, should I care about your current predicament.
I suppose you really shouldn’t. Then again, that’s not very
nice, you should care about me. I am not saying you must
worry over my every move, surely that would be too much, but
what is it to you if you just cared a little bit.

I digress; I’ve gotten off track from my initial reason for
writing this posting... Today, I received a memorandum
(notice, because I have so much time, I decided to write out
the entire word memorandum rather than the more colloquial
and universally accepted “memo”) from the human resources
manager (that is, the HR dep't) indicating that because there has been excessive use
of non-work related internet sites, use of the internet will
be restricted. This likely means that I will not be able to
check my fantasy sites 100 times per day.

I can’t help but think that my office, who is very mad at
me, is doing this to spite me. While it is true that I spend
70%-80% of my day on the internet, it is also true that I,
as you may already heard, have nothing to do. In any event,
there are now six lawyers in the office. I know for sure
that at least 3 of them will not be subject to this
restriction. This leaves me, the lawyer next to my office
who seems busy, but I am pretty sure that’s because she just
started and doesn’t get it yet, another lawyer who probably
doesn’t care much and Jon, the paralegal, who, as far as I
can tell, spends about as much time on the internet as I do.


Funny story about John, the other day I saw him opening up
an email with some photos of some pretty hot dudes in tighty
whities. I don’t know if he knows I know, everything
happened pretty quick. Of course I would never out him to
anyone, he’s a really nice guy and quite capable. Plus
really, it’s none of my business. I just think it’s funny.
Also, I don’t see him getting much cock, he’s really fat…and
not the kind of fat where you can joke and say look how fat
he is…rather, the kind of fat where it’s uncomfortable to
talk about weight, or joke about weight, etc. in front of
the guy. He definitely weighs over 300 pounds and is no
taller than 5’8.

What else? What else? Oh yeah…nah, I’m just kidding.
Really, I’m surprised you’ve read this long, though I did
warn you (Caveat emptor means buyer beware)*

*-previously published elsewhere and titled Caveat Emptor

You Look Marvelous

There has been substantial media coverage this week of an event so irrelevant, so boring, so fantastically useless that I cannot imagine a better topic to signify the return of jazzblahg. No, I am not talking about Britney's attempted return (though she is something I can very little about), I am talking about fashion week.

For what seems like more than a week my free papers (thanks) have been swallowed by large sections of fashion. From this, I have deduced that everyone loves Anna Sui and everyone else makes clothes (I don't know anyone else's name because they are not answers in my crossword puzzles). If, I am going to have to look at pages of clothes I'd appreciate at least a few lingerie shots.

Sorry it's been so long my friends, I am blocked at work.